Writing usually comes so easily for me…I sit here at the keyboard and the words just pour out of my heart and onto the screen. I am obviously over-analyzing this post because I am struggling to make it perfect…perfect for that one day when my children are old enough to read my heartfelt thoughts and words. But the truth of the matter is, I am far from perfect.
I am just a mama who each and every day struggles to be the best I can. As I type this I am already tearing up…I have so, so many things I hope to teach and tell my kids as I raise them to the best of my ability. I want them to experience life to the fullest and cherish each moment. To take chances and not be afraid to make mistakes. To love. To be kind. To have hope. To believe in themselves. To be good friends, good people. To listen. To smile. To laugh every single day. And the list goes on and on and on. I am no different than any other mama out there…I simply want the best for my kids.
I hope as they grow they see how much they are truly loved. I hope they learn through the example I set. I hope they realize how much they teach me each and every day. Patience. Wisdom. How to play. How to love so deeply it hurts. How to kiss an owie and instantly make it all better. How to brighten even the darkest of days.
Moving out here has by far been the hardest obstacle I have ever had to overcome…the darkest days of my life. For, you see, I left behind my mom in the process. That was hard, really, really hard. No, we did not see each other daily or even every week, but IF we wanted to, it was just a three hour drive. It’s not quite that simple when you live 15+ hours and hundreds of miles away. I wish it were as easy for me as it was for Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz…to click my heels three times (of course those are red, sparkly shoes I am wearing) and say “There’s no place like home,” and suddenly I am back in my happy little life in Kansas! I have daydreamed of that many times since moving out here!! But the truth of the matter is life doesn’t work like that. And despite the fact that this journey in the desert is far from easy and sometimes down right hard, I am learning from it each and every day. I am certain I must be learning valuable life lessons that will come in handy with my own kids one day (otherwise it wouldn’t be so hard)…that thought is what helps me plow through those days I want to cry and pack up the kids and move home with my mom!
My mom and I are very, very close. We always have been…maybe not as close as we are today, but we never went through that hard patch so many experience. She is always, always there for me when I need her and whenever she can, she’ll lend a helping hand. We talk on the phone every single day…usually more like three times a day when I call to bug her with the mundane details of life in Arizona!! I guess only a mom and a best friend (love you too Lisa!!) will listen to you ramble on about the most boring of things when you are lonely!! I love my mom dearly and hope through reading this she sees just how much!
Ahhh Huntler. What would I do without you little man?! I can’t believe you will be four this year. What happened to my baby?! When I blinked you grew up on me! You seem to be changing before my very eyes. Just today Daddy and I were talking about how you are so much more of a “kid” now. The things you say, the way you act…you are LONG past the toddler stage, no matter how sad it makes Mommy! Your are growing and thriving which is what we want, but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch! You will start school next fall. You are so excited but it makes Mommy so, so sad! Time used to stand still but ever since you entered the world, it has flown by! You are the best big brother Gentry could ever have! You love and care for her so much…we can see it in your eyes as you light up when she wakes up and the way you patiently wait at the patio door and hold it open for her as she slowly saunters in. You worry about her and for her…if someone touches her beloved puppy or if she loses her binky, you are the first to come tell us. That says so much about your character. I hope you grow up to be just as sweet, thoughtful and considerate as you are today. If you do, then I will know I have done my job and done it right. I love you more than you will ever know…until you have a baby of your own one day. But for now know that I love you ALL the way to the moon and back little man, all the way to the moon and back.
And sassy Miss Gentry. We were absolutely over the moon with Huntler when he was born but the moment we knew you were on the way, our hearts opened and you were loved every bit as much as your big brother. That love has not changed…or maybe it has. I guess I thought I loved you guys as much as I possibly could, but the crazy thing is, my heart manages to grow each and every day and so does my love for you both. It is deeper and more intense than you can even imagine! Gentry, I love your sassiness. You are so feisty and opinionated and although it is slightly challenging, it is those traits of your personality that will take you far in life (so long as you aren’t obnoxious about it!!). I can’t believe you are almost two already. You have grown up so much faster than Huntler did…you talk so much and carry on just like you are three already. I am so sad to have lost that “babyness” in you so quickly! But you are your own person and there is no holding you back! I love your spunk and your sense of style! You are such a girly girl and I am so lucky for that! I love that white blonde hair of yours, your baby blues and that gappy toothed smile…for when I am sad, that smile will undoubtedly bring happiness to my heart.
Huntler and Gentry…thank you for being you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for teaching me more than I can even begin to express. You two are the reasons for this day, the reasons I celebrate Mother’s Day and the reasons I celebrate every day. I love you both…to the moon and back and to the moon and back again!!
I have put these pictures up before, but they are some of my favorites, so I am sharing them again! (Thanks to Tonya for the fabulous editing!!)
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by Bethany
Hey Bethany! So I was up one night and couldn’t sleep…surfing the web and I ran across your blog…how fun! (I can explain how later!) I thought I’d check it out to see what you’re up to these days…what a beautiful family you have and what an AWESOME blog! Man, I have lots to learn! So if you’re wondering why Newton, KS keeps popping up…it’s me, Amanda (Dippel)!! See your blog made me think of all the fun times I spent at your house with Natalie! How is she?? It was fun to read about you…what a cute mom you are and seriously, how do you have such a cute blog? Tell Nat hi for me! I’d love to get in touch with her! Take care, hope you don’t mind me checking back often…it’s fun to check everyone’s blogs!
Amanda
Hey Bethany! So I was up one night and couldn’t sleep…surfing the web and I ran across your blog…how fun! (I can explain how later!) I thought I’d check it out to see what you’re up to these days…what a beautiful family you have and what an AWESOME blog! Man, I have lots to learn! So if you’re wondering why Newton, KS keeps popping up…it’s me, Amanda (Dippel)!! See your blog made me think of all the fun times I spent at your house with Natalie! How is she?? It was fun to read about you…what a cute mom you are and seriously, how do you have such a cute blog? Tell Nat hi for me! I’d love to get in touch with her! Take care, hope you don’t mind me checking back often…it’s fun to check everyone’s blogs!
Amanda
Happy Mothers Day Bethany!!!
Awww! Bethany you are seuch a fantastic there is so much feeling behind all that you write! Happy Mother’s Day!
Wow! I need to learn spell how to spell check and fix my mouse! LOL
It was supposed to say..you are such a fantastic writer! Oh yeah guess I should put my name on it too!
Andrea
GEE WHIZ! I started bawling almost immediately upon opening your Mother’s Day blog. Everything you said and so deeply feel surely is the common essence of Motherhood. It made me think of how wonderful being a Mom to Chris has been for 30+ years. I know it’s only been 29+ years since his birth, but I’ve been his Mom longer than that. And how tender my heart is towards the 2 sweet, beautiful grandchildren you and Chris have brought to all our lives through God’s goodness. I really miss my Mom. Life is so much harder without her. I am really glad you love and appreciate your Mom like you do. Love you all.
Hi Bethany! I too started crying the minute I started reading, so much so that Dad even put his glasses on to read it to see what was the matter with me………thanks for all the nice things you said! I had a very restful day, was nice! Well, must get moving – Monday has already started and I need to keep up! Have a great day and will talk to you soon I am sure! Love and kisses to all! Mom
What a sweet blog! I totally agree with the living so far away. I know I am very thankful for phones! Have an awesome week.
What a sweet blog! I totally agree with the living so far away. I know I am very thankful for phones! Have an awesome week.
WOW! Fabulous blog! Thank you for finding me over at lemon tree and at my lilyeden blog–your little comments were so sweet! I’m so glad I have your wonderful blog to add to my addition of “must reads”–thank you!! have a fab day!
[...] me more about myself and life than I can even begin to put into words. For that I thank you. {Here is the link to my post on Mother’s Day last [...]