Remember me? It’s been awhile. A long while. On one hand I feel like I wrote my last post yesterday and on the other hand it seems like forever ago. The last four weeks have been the worst of my life. And I don’t even know why. Nothing “happened.” I am good. Chris is good. The kids are good. Baby is good. We are all fine. Yet something inside me has seemed so terribly wrong. I have been so sad. So lonely. So homesick. So not where I want to be in life. I have tried to put on a happy face and keep putting one foot in front of the other, but the truth of that matter is that it has been hard. Really hard. And I have failed miserably. Countless tears have been shed. Days have been spent doing nothing. Life has seemed to pass me by.
But things are looking up. Two days in a row and not a tear one. The sun is shining. My heart feels lighter. Lots of fun things are on the horizon. Maybe, just maybe, I am leaving the blues behind.
I am loved – this I know. I have a husband who will listen to me cry and complain when I don’t know even know what I am crying and complaining about – this I know. I have a husband who tries his hardest to put the pieces of my broken heart back together – this I know. I have a husband who works hard to give us the life we love – this I know. As much as I long to be in Kansas, I am here with him because it is where I am meant to be – this I know. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have won his heart and to call him mine – this I know.
And then there is the other man in my life. He loves me for me – this I know. His red hair makes me smile – this I know. His deep brown eyes melt my heart – this I know. The fact that he prefers to ride his sister’s princess bike and not his drives me crazy – this I know. He worries about getting hurt and doesn’t think he should learn to ride his bike without training wheels until he is big, like 13 – this I know. His newfound love of reality TV {Swamp Loggers, Billy the Exterminator, America’s Worst Drivers} proves that he truly does belong in our family – this I know. He will be in kindergarten next year – this I know. He is truly THE best little guy a mama could ever hope for or dream of – this I know.
And then there is this one…a whole lotta sugar but even more spice – this I know. She will be the one we get called to the principal’s office for her out of control chatting during class – this I know. Her blonde hair and blue eyes are sure to break many a boys heart when she gets older – this I know. Her spunky personality has made me laugh out loud during the midst of my crying bouts – this I know. Her love of all things candy and sugar is 100% from me – this I know. She may be the polar opposite of her brother but they are the best of friends – this I know. I love her little smashed up nose on the dirty patio door – this I know. Her carefree spirit and vivid imagination bring a kind of happiness to our home that I can’t even begin to explain – this I know.
And then there is Baby #3. I am 25 weeks today – this I know. I head back to the doctor tomorrow for a regular check up – this I know. This baby is so loved already – this I know. There won’t be a shortage of helpers in this house – this I know. The weather is changing and I believe my days of sporting velour jogging suits are over until fall – this I know. It is driving EVERYONE I know crazy that I won’t share our baby names – this I know. My entire stomach now moves when the baby is kicking like crazy – this I know. I am truly blessed – this I know.
During a time in my life when there are so many things that I don’t know, I am trying to focus on what I DO know. I do know that I am surrounded by friends and family that care. They have seen me at my worst yet they still love me. They call. They email. They reach out when I am too broken to make an effort. For that I am grateful.
Here is to the second half of March and making it far better than the first half!
Filed under
my-lil-lollies,
by Bethany
That was the best blog ever- hang in there it only gets better- somehow- it does
)
You look gorgeous!!!! and your pictures are wonderful, like always!!!!!…I know what is going on…it is called pregnancy, and everything will be ok! You have so many that love you, and so many others that ADMIRE YOU so!!! Have a great weekend, have fun, count your blessings, and if you feel alone, or want to vent you got my cellphone#, or FB or email…I like to listen! Big hug for you, and your beautiful and sweet kids! Miss u!
laura
Bethany,
This post moved me. I have been feeling “down” lately also….call it the “baby blues” or whatever…..all I know is, IT SUCKS. Thanks for your wonderful comment on my last post. I’ll be thinking of you guys. You look GREAT, by the way!!!
Arica
Ah, Sweet Bethany! I know you’ve had a rough few weeks, but I am SO happy to hear things are looking up
This is a super sweet post…but I expect nothing less from you! You are very loved and blessed…and PREGNANT! Holy cow, when did your belly pop out like that!! I love it! You are a-dor-able! You know when you talk to someone on the phone, you’re always picturing them in your head while you chat!?! We’ve been friends since high school (or before), so it’s not hard to picture you. Well, during our last few conversations, I was NOT picturing you like this
Seems like you just “popped” overnight! So now, when we chat on the phone, I’ll totally be picturing you just like this!!
p.s. we watch Billy the Exterminator too
p.p.s LOVE YOU, friend!!
So sorry to hear about your baby blues. Hoping and praying they pass soon.
Your baby bump is just precious! I can’t believe how fast your pregnancy is going! Baby #3 will be here before you know it! Hang in there!
What an awesome post! I’m sorry you’ve had a rough few weeks! I think about you a lot, especially when I’m feeling sorry for myself about not being able to live closer to our families. It makes me feel a little better to know I’m not the only one going through this. I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel like life is passing you by. Our girls will only be little once and I want them to be able to spend more time with their grandparents. In just a few short years, it will be all about school and friends, etc. Well anyway, I look forward to the day you post the big news that you are moving back home. That post is going to be bursting at the seems with smiley faces, rainbows, and sunshine…this I know!
I haven’t even read your post yet but I had to ZOOOOOM down here and leave you a comment!.
How stinkin’ adorable is your tummy! I LOVE it! I’d have 20 kids running around if I looked that cute pregnant. And lord knows I didn’t….I was even pregnant in my nose!
Oh…and tell Huntler to stop growing up…my gosh he looks like he’ll be off to prom next week! And….hang that picture of Chris and Gentry up right now, it’s just precious!
Bethany,
I am sure all the sutff you are feeling is pregnancy blues…I remember when I first met you and you wre helping us out at the old Senior Tax office and I went in one day and you wer just cryng your eyes out. I felt so bad..but you assured me all was well and it was just baby blues….so see..you haven’t changed..you will be your old self here real soon…your tummy is adorable… I know I have told you before but your writing is amazing and I wish I could even think as good as you write…you have a wonderful family and everyone loves you..including me….so keep your chin up and focus on all the precious things in your life and all will be okay…have a good weekend..enjoy your weather as it is going to snow 6-8 inches tomorrow and tonight..Christopher’s birthday is tomorrow and he will not like tromping around in the snow…on the first day of Spring! Yuck….talk to you soon..
LOVE ALL the pics!! The one of Chris, each of the kids and YOU! Can’t believe how you’ve blossomed! From the picture, I would guess a boy, but I reserve the right to change my mind when I see you in person. Got online tonight to look at flights, but wanted to catch up with your blog and your photo shoots. I’m so sorry I didn’t check in on you when Chris was out of town. Time just got away from me. I need to do better at managing my thoughts and my time. Looks like you had a fun weekend with your shoots and sounds like you really enjoyed your grandparents visit as well. Talk to you soon I hope! Love you.